Wednesday, May 31, 2006

pathetic!!

wake up at 12 pm
turn on the computer
sign in YM
login frenster
open the mailbox
chat for 20-30 mins
read + study for 1-2 hours
open kompas.com
check frenster
chat for 10-20 mins
study for 30 mins
check YM
check out other profiles in frenster
read kompas.com
study for 20 mins
check frenster
chat
frenster
chat
read a book

finally the clock strikes 1/2/3 am

wake up at 12 pm
the repetitions begin

what a life!!

Sunday, May 28, 2006

mungkinkah...

gw akan pulang ke jkt thn ini?

akhirnya pertanyaan itu bener2 muncul di kepala gw. kmrn2 itu masih skadar wacana, tapi skrg kok mdadak pertanyaan itu bener2 harus gw jawab ya? strategi perang harus segera diubah, persenjataan harus segera disiapkan. hal2 yg tadinya blm masuk agenda gw, skrg satu per satu harus mulai didaftar. salah satunya, melobi teman2 kerja dan mantan bos gw, hehehehe...

gak kbayang jg klo tnyata gw bener2 harus puls. emang sih gw sudah mempersiapkan mental utk menghadapi pilihan ini sejak gw menginjakkan kaki di psawat mnuju helsinki. tapi gak nyangka aja, dlm waktu 9 bulan gw sudah harus menghadapi pilihan ini. hidup itu memang keras! ;)

sedih mbayangkan harus mninggalkan temen2 gw, negara yg sangat amat nyaman dan aman untuk ditinggali, udara yg bgitu segar utk dihirup, dan kebebasan yg gw miliki slm 9 bln. emang sih bukan brarti hidup gw slalu enak di sini. ada beberapa hal yg gw rasa kurang slm di sini. gw brasa "ngambang" aja slm tinggal di sini. mungkin krn status gw gak jelas ya. mahasiswa bukan, buruh bukan. gw brasa gak punya identitas. mungkin utk anak umur 19-20, hal ini bukan masalah ya. tapi tentu gak bagi cewe berusia 28 mnuju 29, hehehehe... identity is everything :) gw brasa berjalan di tmp slm di sini, wlo jalannya di surga dunia, heheheh... mungkin ini saatnya bagi gw utk bener2 move on ya. saatnya menentukan jalan hidup gw ke depan. hopefully it will be for the best!

penolakan

ditolak itu memang menyakitkan. tapi klo lo dah mengalami hal itu berkali2 dalam hidup lo, ditanggung lo akan sdikit imun menghadapi itu. itu yg terjadi sm gw malam ini. gw buka websitenya, cek pengumumannya, dan nama gw gak terpampang di situ. bengong, (sdikit) sedih, (agak) kecewa, tapi setelah itu... ya sudah, mo dibilang apa? bgitu cepat obat pnangkal itu bekerja di tubuh gw. krn bgitu seringnya gw mengkonsumsi obat itu kali ya, heehehehe... jd refleks bow ;)

sejak beberapa minggu ini smangat gw mang rada mengendur. bulan lalu gw begitu bersemangat bniat belajar utk tes nanti. tapi 1 mgg blakangan ini, kok smangat itu smakin menyurut dan cenderung hilang ya? ditambah lagi dgn penolakan yg gw terima malam ini. gw sedih krn brarti gw gak ada backup sama sekali dan brarti gw harus blajar beneran dong, hiks... sdgkan smangat gw kan dah ilang... :(

bener ya, mau lo kata apa, mau lo bercita2 stinggi langit, mau lo bersemangat 45 dan berusaha keras, klo mang itu bukan jalan lo, ya itu bukan jalan lo. titik, gak pake koma. blakangan ini doa2 gw jg mulai berubah, gw gak minta spy diterima di univ ini-itu. gw cuma minta sm Tuhan, ya klo emang ini rezeki gw dan jln terbaik yg Dia ridhoi, smg gw bisa skolah di sini. tapi klo mang gak rezeki, ya gw tetep bersyukur. toh dalam waktu 9 bln ini, i had the time of my life. hidup yg gak pernah gw impikan sebelumnya. gw dpt ilmu byk, nambah pengalaman luar biasa, kenal dan bertemu org2 yg kmudian jd temen2 baik gw, dllsbgnya... stidaknya gw sudah berusaha sbisa gw utk memaksimalkan waktu gw di sini. hanya itu toh yg gw bisa lakukan? dan sejauh ini... i consider that accomplished!

sjujurnya gw sdikit kecewa. pastilah. gak smua obat bisa bekerja 100%. tapi hidup tetap berlanjut kok, suka ato gak suka. mungkin itu ya yg namanya pendewasaan. bgitu byk pengalaman yg lo lewati, pahit dan manis, dan lo akan blajar byk dari itu. skrg tinggal bagaimana lo menyikapi itu. nah bagaimana sikap gw? terus berjuang bung, heheheh... perjalanan masih panjang. kesempatan dan tantangan masih terbuka lebar. kesedihan, kekecewaan, kbahagiaan, dan kemenangan siap menyambut lo di depan sana. dan gw gak mo melewati itu sedikit pun, tidak sedetik pun. krn gw mau hidup, gw mau mrasakan itu smua, dan brarti gw harus berani mengambil sgala risiko yg akan gw hadapi. "gak smua manusia bisa mdptkan smua keinginannya, dan gak smua manusia tau apa yg dia butuhkan." hanya itu yg perlu lo simpen baik2 dalam pikiran dan hati lo. krn itu obat penangkal yg mujarab :)

Friday, May 26, 2006

surga dunia kecilku...

tiap2 orang mungkin punya cara yg berbeda2 utk skadar istirahat sejenak dari dunia yg keras, penuh tantangan dan intrik ini. ada yg berlibur ke pantai, main sm anak2nya, berkebun, main golf, sport, main cewe, beberes, dllsbgnya...

bhub gw org yg simpel dan blm punya cukup keberanian utk punya anak, gw punya cara tersendiri utk skadar lari dari kenyataan dunia yg terkadang pahit ini ;) ramuan spesialku yg slalu ampuh, hehehe... scangkir cappuley's dan 1-2 putung a mild. saat tegukan pertama itu mengalir di kerongkongan lo, alamak... nikmat kali rasanya dunia ini :D ditambah lagi, duduk sendiri di balik jendela dgn pmandangan pepohon hijau nan indah, sambil memainkan jemari2 lentik lo di atas tuts2 keyboard utk merangkaikan kata2 yg (sok) puitis di blog ini. kalah dah pujangga, hahahaha....;D

itu lha surga dunia kecil gw. simpel, agak2 haram dan tdk menyehatkan, tapi khasiatnya man, ampuh tenan! ;)

Monday, May 22, 2006

have u ever been so lonely?

no one to talk to
no shoulder to cry on
no lips to kiss
no hands to hold
no one to hug

completely alone in this big and infinite universe...

feel like shit today!

don't know what to do
don't know what to think
don't know who to love
don't know who to miss
don't know who to hate
empty
nothing
nada
zip

f**ng hormon!!

helsinki di tengah malam

lo blm liat helsinki klo belum naik bis malemnya. oohh, lo akan liat smuanya tentang helsinki, terutama orang2nya. begitu lo naik bis di atas jam 2-3 pagi, lo akan liat 100% dari mereka drunk as hell. mungkin gw satu2nya orang yg waras di atas bis itu. dari ce, co, emak2, bapak2, nenek2, anak gotik, kutu buku, org bduit, homeless, smuaanya...

biasanya klo lo naik bis/kereta/trem di pagi, siang, ato sore hari, lo akan kaget btapa sunyi senyapnya tuh transportasi wlo diisi bgitu byk orang. mulutnya mingkem kem kem. tapi... setelah jam 12 malem, lo akan liat keramaian yg berbeda. bukan krn mereka berubah jadi werewolf, monster, ato bahkan cinderella. bukan! mereka tetep orang2 yg sama, tapi dengan otak yg sedikit melenceng, berkat minuman "duniawi" itu. warga helsinki itu warga dikenal pemalu yg lebih suka diem drpd ngoceh, beda lha sm org indo yg bawel dan cerewet. tapi bgitu mereka meneguk minuman haram itu, mereka akan jadi orang2 yg berbeda. lucunya wlo mereka mabok, mereka gak mganggu org lain. mereka asik dgn dirinya sendiri. paling banter, ngoceh, nyanyi, ato teriak2 ndiri. itu baru namanya kontrol diri yg hebat, hehehehe....

gak hanya di bis/kereta, di jalan2 lo akan liat orang2 saling memapah krn gak bisa jalan, ada yg main gendong2an, bahkan ada yg terkulai tak berkutik di lantai. lo akan lihat smuanya! mungkin lo akan anggep itu biasa, namanya juga di luar negeri. alkohol bebas dijual, jadi biasa lha byk orang mabuk. no! ini bener2 luar biasa. bahkan org2 dari negara eropa lain kagum dgn kebiasaan org2 finland ini. they love alcohol a lot!! too much, i think.

mereka bahkah punya hari mabuk se-finland, stiap tgl 1 may. mungkin di indo, hari buruh dirayakan dgn demo besar2an. tapi di sini dirayakan dgn pesta pora dan mabu'2an slm 2 hari 2 mlm, sejak tgl 30 april. mungkin krn buruhnya dah sejahtera ya, hehehe... saat itu lha lo akan bertemu orang2 finland yg ramah-tamah, yg gak akan lo temui di hari2 lainnya.

pantes ya alkohol itu haram. klo lo liat pemandangan di bus malam itu, lo akan sadar bahwa teryata kiamat bener2 sudah dekat...

Sunday, May 21, 2006

the cinema

finally back to my fave place in the world. it's been 9 months since i last went to the cinema, well maybe more. i was so excited. i've really missed the vibe and the excitement of being in the cinema, and now i'm back and feel so good! :)

i watched da vinci code yesterday with my sis. have read the book, so i was really looking forward to seeing the film. for me it's good. thrilling and exciting. full of information, so do concentrate when u watch this film. i won't say much about this movie. my advice is, its definitely a must-see film.

another goodbye...

just took my friend to the airport. damn! time went by so fast. i met her 5 months a go at helia, and after that we've become such good friends. almost everyday i was in helia, 3 times a week for at least 6-7 hours a day, we even took 5 same courses, so i spent most of my time with her, even share the same soup :) we had such a blast of time. i really can talk to her, even my problems. i rarely can talk my thoughts to someone, let alone to someone who i only knew for a couple a months. she'll listen and give me some advice. i'm gonna miss that a lot. but most of all, i'm gonna miss our laughs. ooh yeah, not just ordinary laugh, but loud and annoying laughs. i'll definitely miss that! we speak the same jokes, swear a lot to each other. i can even call her "stupid german chick" without even make her angry. another bad thing is, she can't be online for the next couple of months, until october, so i can only send her sms.

oooh i already miss our nonsense talks and stupid jokes at the cafeteria. hope to see u again, my stupid german friend...

Saturday, May 20, 2006

SLJJ

susahnya punya hub SLJJ. gak nyangka gw akhirnya mencapai tahap ini, kmrn kyknya baik2 aja. mungkin stlh 9 bln, lo baru bener2 mrasakan efeknya. dibilang gak cinta lagi, gak juga. ilfil jg gak kok. bosen? gmn mo bosen, wong ketemu juga gak pernah. ketemu? wong telp skali 2 bulan aja juga dah bagus. telp? sms skali sminggu aja dah lumayan. sms? chatting skali 2 mgg jg dah luar biasa.

gw jd mikir... sebetulnya apa sih artinya pacaran? apakan itu hy skadar status? keterikatan? ketergantungan? kebutuhan? kebiasaan? yg pasti sih klo lo punya pacar, ya brarti lo gak harus mlakukan dan memikirkan smua2nya sendiri. lo punya temen cerita dan lo bisa mengandalkan dia kapan pun dan di mana pun lo membutuhkan. masalahnya, gmn klo lo hidup di kota ato bahkan negara berbeda? yg tersisa pasti tinggal "status", yah bukan brarti lo gak cinta/sayang lg sih. mungkin orang2 yg bilang bhw mereka gak bisa punya SLJJ adalah orang2 yang realistis. apa artinya sayang/cinta klo gak bisa dipupuk? emang sih, bukan brarti lo gak bisa memupuk itu slm SLJJ. tapi pastinya butuh usaha 2 bahkan 3 kali lebih besar drpd hub biasa. dan blm tentu smua orang mampu. bukannya mereka gak mau, tapi kadang kondisi dan situasi yg memaksa mereka gitu. dan satu hambatan lg adalah soal kesetiaan. mereka bukannya gak setia (wlo utk SLJJ, kmungkinan utk slingkuh itu amat sangat besar), tapi krn ya itu tadi. mereka butuh dari skadar "status", mereka butuh sesuatu yg real. apa artinya cinta/sayang klo lo gak bisa menyentuh dan merasakan itu? tul gak? ;)

emang salah ya klo lo terlalu realistis dan pake logika dlm hub. smua2nya lo anggep salah dan kurang. alhasil ya jd lupa utk menikmati dan mensyukuri sgala kekurangan dan kelebihan dlm hub lo. emang paling enak berteori, hehehe... prakteknya man, susyaaah beneerr...

great time




had wonderful time tonite with my friends. laugh a lot, joke a lot, we even helped this drunkard to the bus station. well, it's not finland without its drunk people. first, went to pizza hut, then to mbar. we have met 4 times in a row now, gesine is going back to germany on sunday. so we plan to meet everyday before she goes back. never thought i'm going to meet great friends here. i even consider them best friends, especially this german chick, hehehe... boy, do we joke a lot! we have lots in common, and i just knew that she was born on october. so.. no wonder! kinda sad that she's leaving. but we've made plans for our next meeting. if i'm staying here in hels, then she'll come visit me here or i can go to germany (if, and if i do have the money!). but what is great is... we have a long-term plan that if i go back to jakarta, then she'll visit me in indo and we'll go backpacking to thailand. well, maybe in 5 years to come (and again, due to the money problem of course ;D) but still, it's a great idea, innit? i'll definitely miss our time together in helia, especially the soup, hehehe... but mostly, i'll miss the laughs :(

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

the day has come...





yup, finally my family left and went back to jakarta. our apt is sooo quiet now. back to our individualistic life, back to the cyberworld. when i left jakarta almost 9 months a go, i wasn't this sad. tho' i left my everything in jakarta, my fam, bf, (boring) job, (not-so-good) income, independence, and pride of course, hahahah... but i wasn't at all sad. i was more excited with my new life in hels. now... i'll have to start to do the laundry, cook, clean up, everything by myself again. no one's going to make a tea and peal an apple for me anymore. and i'll definitely miss andra's annoying yet loving voice in the morning, which always woke me up each and every morning ;) shit! i do love my family a lot!

Saturday, April 22, 2006

Tuesday, April 11, 2006

souvenirs from Berlin!

went to Berlin with my sis from 30 March-2 April. Love every minute of it. love the city, love the streets, love the crowd, love the weather (sometimes), love the landmarks, love the people. what else? it's definitely a perfect getaway from helsinki. can't wait to go back there again ;)












Tuesday, March 21, 2006

curhat

berhub hati gw gundah-gulana lagi belakangan ini, tadi gw curhat sm salah satu temen deket gw, yah bisa dikatakan sobat lha. seneng deh rasanya bisa ngobrol, curhat, trus dikasih masukan dan semangat sm dia. mungkin itu ya artinya temen sejati. gw bener2 mrasakan indahnya arti pertemenan. bukan temen yg sekadar hura2 atau ngobrol basa-basi, tapi temen yg bisa kasih keyakinan pada diri lo bhw lo bisa! kadang lo butuh itu dari seseorang, gak peduli betapa kuat dan mandiri diri lo. ada saat di mana lo bener2 ngedrop dan lo butuh orang utk bantu lo bangkit lagi dan yakin.

bisa dibilang gw bukan tipe org yg gampang curhat ke orang. gak tau knapa. gw takut aja buat dia bosen denger crita gw dan klo gw dpt respon awal yg gak enak, gw pasti langsung ngedrop dan gak mood utk crita. gak usah ke temen, ke pacar aja baru2 ini aja kok gw mrasa nyaman utk curhat. lumayan susah bagi gw utk curhat ke seseorang. mungkin itu jg ya knapa gw punya diary, hehehe...

thx ya wel, for being such a good friend to me. thx for ur support and believing in me. i really need that now :)

Friday, March 17, 2006

crash

pantas lha menyandang predikat film terbaik oscar. keren, walau tampilannya beda2 tipis sm film2 polisi amrika lainnya, kyk the shield, nypd blue, dll. tapi crash emang lebih nonjolin sisi kemanusiaannya. walau kadang berlebihan, tapi gpp, toh gw nangis dan terharu, hihihi.... bener2 gambarin bhw stiap manusia punya 2 sisi yg berbeda, gak ada tuh manusia yg bener2 jahat atau yg bener2 baik. smuanya abu2, whether u like it or not. walau jahat atau baiknya tu orang beda2, smua punya batasannya masing2 dan hanya dia yg berhak nentuin itu, toh yg mrasakan konsekuensinya dia juga. yah... itu cuma seklumit pelajaran hidup yg gw dapat dari ni film, hehehe...

itu kenapa gw suka ntn film. masing2 mungkin punya alesan beda2 knp dia suka film. ada yg suka karena aktor/aktrisnya, krn ceritanya seru, tembak2an, kocak, menegangkan, serem, jorok, sedih dsb, ada pula krn emang dia movie freak, ato filmmaker yg emang wajib dan kudu ntn film, atau krn animasi ato secara teknis tu film keren bgt (whatever that means...), atau atau atau...

klo gw simple. gw cukup sadar bhw gw gak punya cukup darah seni utk bercita2 jd filmmaker ato pun movie critics. gw jg gak tau byk soal perteknikan sbuah film. gw hy penikmat film. gw hanya suka pelajaran yg bisa gw petik dari sebuah film. kadang pikiran kita terlalu sempit atau mungkin dunia kita terlalu sempit jd gak sadar bhw ada sesuatu atau hal berbeda terjadi di dunia luar sana... sesuatu yg gak bisa lo dapetin dan rasakan di khidupan nyata lo, dan lo akan kehilangan sesuatu yg indah, manis, pahit, getir klo lo gak rasakan itu. dan itu akan memperkaya khasanah hati lo. itulah knp gw suka film. sesimpel itu :)

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

a show




it's definitely one more to my list! last sat my friend, karolina, invited me to her show. actually hers and her bf. they're artists, so this isn't just an ordinary show. it's performance art. so u all know what that means :) i really wanted to go, first, she's my bestfriend here, i consider her that way cause she's the only friend i have here who's more than 27 years old. second, well it's a performance art, so it's gonna be different. went there, got lost cause i didnt know the place. when we arrived, the show already started. not too many people there, about 20 i guess. the place is quite small, i think it's kinda underground show.

during the show i was completely lost. didn't understand a thing. i just smiled and laughed. i'm just too ordinary to understand this kinda thing. a person with no artistic talent. that's me! maybe i should've been an artist. i'm sure it's gonna be fun. do whatever i want, wherever i want, and people will think it's an art. that'll be fun. sari the artist! hahaha...

paloheinä



sabtu kemarin (11.03.06), kita main ice sliding di paloheinä. it was wild! hehehe... seru abiz! jatuh jumpalitan, baju, celana, sarung tangan basah, dan gw menggigil kedinginan. hasilnya sekarang gw tepar di rmh, 2 hari gak beranjak dari sofa, ingus meler tiada henti, bolos les dll... but, another one to my list! ;)

Saturday, March 11, 2006

dinner


i host a dinner! yup, it's true. cleaned up the house myself. cooked the food myself. never dreamt that this kind of thing can ever happen 6 months a go, hehehe....

it's quite successful, though my sister said that the rice was hard and not done. but my friends ate quite a lot, so i think they didnt notice it. hopefully...

there were 7 of us, all girls. it's like united colors of benetton, u know. all from different countries, so it's cool. the same language, different accent. but we spoke one language though, man, hahahaha... well we talked lots of stuffs, and none of them are important :)

i'm just relieved that it's done. did my job, all my friends were happy with their stomach full. so mission accomplished! ;)

Friday, March 10, 2006

yle tv

karolina's class at caisa planned to go to yle tv. since she knew that i had worked at a tv station in indonesia, then she asked me whether i wanted to join her. hell, of course i would. it's a once a lifetime opportunity, hehehe.... then yesterday we went there. though with a lot of efforts, but we got there, finally. it's quite a big area. lots of buildings. the studios are separated from others. maybe it's quite like rcti, though i've never been there. actually it's like a tour, but it's in finnish. yeah, it's a study tour for a finnish course. so whaddya expect?

i was really amazed by their collections of costumes and all things, decorations, cell phones from all ages, everything... the other stuffs are almost the same like trans, the studios, the sets. but there's one studio that really reminded me of MMC, hehehe.... i really miz that good ol days...

the whole trip really reminded me of my life at transtv. i do miss it a lot...